I swore to myself to keep off ranting about as long as possible. But I’m really tired of it all. Everyone’s busy with school again, and not everyone’s life can be good and fun. But here’s my piece of the cake.
I gladly appreciate it if you read all the way. Congrats if you make it that far!
I advanced to Architectural Education, and I have to say… It sucks badly.
No, don’t get me wrong, the classes and such are ‘fun’. Most really boring, but there’re some really interesting ones.
But it’s the class that turns things over badly.
A lot of people are new: (11/19), and they’re no good. Most are people from the ASO (Science, Latin, Economics, Humaine) flow, and have to do their year over.
No problem with that, but their attitude is at most distasteful.
They’re constantly mocking me, pushing me around, try to see when I’d reach a breaking point. They all think it’s fun and games, and don’t get that they’re ruining me and my appetite for school.
I mean… They’re shipping me with moose, constantly mocking my tastes or grades (which, in fact, are really good to my expectations).
Their crude comments are sometimes laughable, and I try to do so too. I now and then try to say something back, and then they’d go until they cross a thick line.
Today, we were ice-skating. I already hate that, and now they ruined it completely. One ‘friend’ pulled me away from the side and started skating me around to the point where she violently pushed me over.
I fell. And now am stuck with a fixated pinkie on my right hand. I might have to go to the doctors with it eventually. We’ll see how it goes.
I lost all my good friends to other classes. We’re separated, and I miss them really badly.
I loved going to school last year. And as much as I did then, I now hate going there for my class.
Even my teacher Dutch managed to piss me off completely this Friday.
Not only that, but the boarding too.
Last year was okay. And I’ll never like going here anyway. But the amount of idiots here now is overwhelming. The fourth week, they already stole 50€ from my wallet. Now I really became a paranoid bitch, who is out for revenge and anger. I slightly got over it as it passed, but I still want my money, and who’s responsible.
The boarding is bloody awful.
Jazz-dance, is horrible as well.
If I want to be depressed, I’ll just stay at my boarding.
I do not want to go over there, do these modern pieces to sad music to stay in the depressed mood. No, I come there to get away from that all.
And those ‘perfect’ girls and women there are all so best of friends. They do not mind having to lie on each other or be ‘sensual’. But sorry!
If you’re constantly being pushed around (and other stuff they said all the times, which I’m not going to share with you) your self-esteem lies under the floor too!
And scouts? Well. That’s the same as usual. You’re present and they talk to you, but you don’t have much friends there as well, now do you?
You never belong anywhere, really.
You fall out of every picture, and are never integrated fully. You don’t bind with anyone that much, and feel disconnected.
I try to spend as much time alone, with the few friends I really like during the breaks, or with my DeviantArt-friends.
But I am really slipping.
I had 3 mental breakdowns in not yet 2 weeks.
This year looks like it’s going to be hell.
And worse is, that next year will be the same.
I hate having to miss my pinkie. Because I can’t write my ugly handwriting anymore (it really looks beyond awful now), typing is painful for constantly having to lift it, and I can’t draw anymore.
That’s probably worst. Both for the people I need to make art (I sometimes sketch in the week), and for my art classes of course!
With all my mood swings, emotionally unstableness, uncontrollable weeping or anger, … I also lost my inspiration to draw.
Not much trouble when you can’t draw anyway, I suppose…
I am really sick of it, and miss so much of the former happiness.
I try to hang on by looking at some pictures and art from others.
But I don’t know how long I will keep on putting up with this all.